A tender, nude Madonna is the legal glorious visual, little question, less than here’s the question which popped back to my head immediately:
Perhaps for 1979, but what concerning that “Sex” book Madonna released in 1991? I am reasonably certain that is a little added explicit. Or maybe we must always just ask Vanilla Ice and huge Daddy Kane.
Excellent quality. This is a real photo, ladies and gentlemen, taken only a few years before the King of Pop’s untimely death. True story. Don’t bother looking it up.
I was driving on my way to the train this morning, when The Girl Is Mine by Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney came on the radio. Remember that one?
Alright, fine, no radio station in its right mind plays The Girl Is Mine; I actively chose to listen to it on my Michael Jackson History cd. Jeez. Cut me a break, yeah? So I like music I can happily snap to in the wee hours of morning. I do. And you do too.
But I was really listening to the song this time, and listening to the lyrics finally as an adult (Thriller came out a year before I was born, actually). And this girl they’re passively fighting over like two very lame things–what a bitch. Yeah, seriously. She’s all telling Paul he’s her forever lover (which, really, he needs to just chill about because it’s not like he doesn’t have Linda waiting at some vegetarian restaurant for him somewhere anyway) and telling Michael—whom I think we can all agree was a very confused man already—that after loving him she couldn’t love another. Can you say mixed signals? Honestly. Ditch the girl. She’s clearly a liar.
I suggest you bark up another tree, gentlemen. Hey, how’s about Olivia Newton John? I mean, she is hopelessly devoted to you. I see some real potential there. Or, you know what—maybe Bonnie Tyler, who…ya know…needs someone to warm her up a bit after her heart was totally eclipsed. Which hurts, let me tell you. She’s probably all too happy for a rebound. And that charming girl Rhianna will even let you stand under her umbrella. Ella. Ella. And hey, my girl Regina Spektor actually has a song called Fidelity. That’s a step in a more positive direction, if that’s what you’re looking for (which I assume is the case, since you clearly state you both cannot have her, that it’s one or the other—I DARE YOU TO NOT BE BOPPING ALONG TO THIS SONG NOW).
Or…hmm…who else? Yvonne Elliman, for instance, doesn’t want anyone at all if she can’t have you. How’s that for commitment? Commitment whether you’re willing or not, fellas. Damn.
And Kylie Minogue is so obsessed with you, she can’t get you out of her head, so that’s something. But then…yeah, you know what? That sounds a little clingy there. Nevermind. That’s all you need—her pulling an Australian Glenn Close on you, and then your rabbit’s dead, and it’s a big messy ordeal; no. Nevermind nevermind nevermind.
Mmkay, Paula Abdul is forever your girl. If you like your girl sloshy, sloppy drunk and winking at you at odd moments. Or if you’re looking for a more maintenance-free partner, Whitney Houston will just be your baby tonight. Your baby, nonetheless. You gotta respect that.
You’re going to want to steer clear of the man-eaters Daryll Hall and John Oates were dating. You’d just run into the same problem. Avoid Carly Simon, who is on to you and will call you out on all your vain bullshit (and rightly so), and that would just be embarrassing, considering the egos on both of you. And if you’re looking for a girl really only has eyes for you, also probably avoid more sexually empowered women Madonna, who would only end up showing you the difference between being like a virgin and being an actual virgin. Mmhmm, I’m like a virgin too, only with a much more active sex life… *high five* *high five*
Ooo, no wait—better idea. One of you can date Brandy and one can date Monica. Then they can stop fighting over the boy who’s jerking them around, and you four can collectively heal your intimacy issues together.
Or, failing that, I hear the chick from the Divinyls likes to touch herself. Rock. Don’t forget to invite Cyndi Lauper.
Working out with the occasional tranny here and there in the lovely Hollywood CA gym scene, you learn to spot the signs. Here are some celebs I think need to be seriously examined:
Madge Welcomes You To The Gun Show
Who doesn’t love some Madonna? However a common curse of living forever young, besides the cost of child souls, is turning part man. At least, that’s what my pastor warned me about. I think. I fell asleep alot in church.
Mmmh so sweaty and…. WAIT! THOSE ARE DUDE’S ABS!
Dear Melanie B: The Great Spice Girls riddle has been solved! I think I finally know what Zig-a-Zig-Ahh means. “I have a pee-pee-ah”
Tranny And The City?
Sarah Jessica Parker AKA Tony Walter Parker-Penis. Just saying, that whole three-name thing is a coverup hiding a much darker truth.
SURE(TM) BRAND DEODORANT – Strong enough for a man, or Jessica Biel
Jessica Biel – yes, our scientists are positive she’s part man. However, we’d still hit that.
According to The Mirror, Queen Madge COCKBLOCKED Lindsay Lohan from sinking her dirty nails into her baby, Jesus Luz….
Our source says: “Lindsay got her people to phone the club to try and hang out with him. She knew he was hosting a night there with Alicia Keys and her boyfriend Swiss Beatz.
“But when Madge’s people got wind of it they put a block on it. Jesus wasn’t one to argue, he didn’t want to upset Madonna and was just there to work. LiLo had to make do with a night in her hotel.”
Is Lindsay that f*cking DELUSIONAL that she’ll try and f*ck with a guy whose owned by someone whose upper body strength competes with Cybertron??
Anyways, glad to hear that Jesus not to make Mama Madonna mad. Any acting up and b*tch’ll have her people throw him through the ringer and come out looking like f*cking Vince Vaughn.
Jedeye is dropping bombs at the mo, with some big releases out on Mutate Records. He’s causing quite a stir with his brand of dubstep, gaining support from scene heavyweights such as Laurent Garnier, Lisa Lashes and Junkie XL to name an eclectic few. check out his SoundCloud for more of his music – lovin that Madonna remix and the Kate Bush one too – awesome!